Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
