Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
