I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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