i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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