There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
