Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
