The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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