This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
