i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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