half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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