do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
