so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
