I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
