dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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