Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
