): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
