Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
