i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your cock deserves a montage
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Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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