If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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