they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
