I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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