then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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