i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
someone owes me an orgasm
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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