fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
