Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he thought i was a dude.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
