I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
