I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
