this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
