I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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