Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize