god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
