careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
