don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
