I accidentally had phone sex last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
