afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
