AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
