Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
