no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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