Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were trust falling into bushes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
