when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
