It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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