This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My feet surprised me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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