She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
