so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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