Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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