this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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