it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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