he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
