The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
