isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
