Your face is a jimmy john
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
