I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
