the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
