he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dick very happy bro
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
