he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
