She's JV to your varsity
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Found the puke drawer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
