Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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