none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
