I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
These tits shall not be calmed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
