remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
