I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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