My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
