it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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