So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
