drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
